Journal

i have decided that i do not need the love of others in my life to be happy and i can work for myself, although i do deeply desire the care and love of others i have lived my entire life without it so unless it comes to me i will not be chasing it out as my first experience was less than great on me im sure anymore would simply be devastating so i would rather live aroace for the time being :D

funger map is gonna be delayed for a while because i need to focus on studying, chores, and other stuff i do irl, ive been studying boiling water reactors and think that i should do this for college ESPECIALLY if im a furry how else will i get the money for all those suits yk??? so far its pretty fun although confusing but thats okay ive written about 8 pages explaining what each part does and im gonna try to learn every malfunction if i have time soon

finally fixed sleep schedule, starting playing stuff with some mutuals, studying, working out etc etc its much better it kind of feels rude to say but i dont think stating what i believe is the truth in a realistic vision is wrong, he was doing nothing except making me worried by refusing to help himself at situations and would even push me away when i knew it wasnt a good idea i do hate to say it but he was a complete bum with 0 life plans 0 job ideas or anything and i do understand depression does that but no matter how suicidal i was i knew i should atleast have an idea in mind while he had none idkk it feels really rude to say but it is just what i think im not namecalling them a loser or anything but i do know i might have even been brought down if i stayed trying to help him, he has to learn this stuff on his own not latch on others then push them away but im free now i can do whatever i want not worrying about someone who doesnt even think of me in a good light and its great i feel alive

im supperr bored and not talking to anyone lately so im just gonna ramble random stuff i think about from now on i think

im kind of forgetting everything lately my brain is like literally rotting in on itself jesusss christ ummmm i dont really know what else to add i mean yeah its still pretty miserable but thats not very fun to talk about and its nothing new to this journal yk what i mean?? i did download a animal crossing sound effect for my keybaord thoguh its prettyyy coooll......

one thing that ive kind of been thinking about alot lately and im really disliking because ive noticed how common its becoming is how i literally wont remember anything because very simple stuff i cant remember like the states nearby where i live i forgot all of them, i forgot all of my older friends genuinely i was messaged by a old friend about some dumb stuff but i legit dont remember a single person even though apparently i knew them really well and its happening way more than ive noticed like ive been in ummmmmmmmm 6 or 7 group chats yet ive legit forgotten every single person from them unless i still have them added and im kind of disturbed of this like i dont think that ill have any concious thoughts to a certain point dude and i cant fix this i tried to go to therapy but my parents got really mad and denied me it so okay its ffine i can just wait a year or so but then im gonna be in college and even then my grades are falling really bad i got yelled at again cuz i have Cs and stuff mannn im not really scared but its a little offputting how im going to forget people who i used to know really well (maybe for the best thoughh) one thing ive thought about is blah blah ill never find love like realistically its very likely not possible but ill save that for the next entry,, i did kind of write something when i was really really sad last night but idk who to share it to so ummm i put it on that SECRET PAGE i have in this website somewhere u gotta find it tho :P

i cant sleep all ive been thinking of is everything that has happened to me and im spiraling so bad yet everyone has justbeen going out of their way to make it worse

i can see my friends tried to be nice but they just ended up being rudein the long run when it was so obvious i m spiraling and theydecide to go harass and bully me for having a breakdown like what the fuck is wrong with u???????

boyfriend left me i knew it was gonna happene he would leave me on seen for weeks at a time like 3 months before that week and now just refuses to explain why so thanksks man please keep ignoring me thats so niceee idoubt that ill eever find love again god torutres me by making me autistic and incredibly damaged i mean how will i ever love someone if i cant lovemyself from the child abuse yada yadaa whatever im probably either A gonna just isolate myself more or B kill myself lik my parents say im gonna fail all m y classes and do nothing when i grow up os like????? its whattvever i dont do anything productive anyways and anyone who liked me doesnt now so its whatev r i wonder if anyones even reading this if so then maybe this will be the last entry for a little bit im sure im gonna have no motivation to ever update it for a while espercially if all i do is just talk all sad i hate it so mcuch i justt ned a lobotomy man i dont want to remember anhything please just let me forget everythign stop reminding me about my friend who killed himselftstop reminding me of thengelect ihate everything so mcuh i m so fucking tired man iits like why do i get friends if all they do is just get angry and then all surprsied when they find out i was having a breakdown like REAAALLLYY???????? NONE OF U CAN PUT ONE AND ONE TOGETHER??????? god i fuckcing hate people so much its such a waste of space on this planet all everyone does is desire love and friendship yet neglect trying to know how others feel so much itss j ust so funny

the insomnia has been getting worse its really hard to fall asleep anymore i just stare at the ceiling and start to get sad

i left all of my friends i didnt trust any of them anymore its lonely but atleast i wont be disapointed when nobody talks or ignores me

miigghhtve been the worst week this whole year i kinndd of had a severe breakdown and thought that he hated me soo i miiggghtve said some very rude things and now i know its over

school has been draining me so much i have no motivation to work on map or do anything

i wanted to hang out with friends so bad but they just left me so i kindd of just played by myself it was rlly miserable and alot of other bad stuff happened lowke feel like shit

atleast i got to go to a waterpark on the weekend it was fun..... but that whole time i was thinking abt talking with my friends and then when i get back they abandon me i hate them i want to leave that gc forever

really bad week i dont want to get into sepcifcis but he migh hate me andd whatnot its whattever dont ask me about it

alot of otherr shitty stuff happeened outside of that so it hasnt been very good on me

my frieends are being really likke passive aggresive too its stupoiddd

i have been so god damn busy with school dude im actually going INSANE.... i havnt had time to work on map much nor play games omfg

funger map has stalled at caves for right now, thanksgiving will probably give me time to finish the cave village but im not sure yet atleast the caves look super cool!!

surprisngly WASNT grounded thank goddd but gotta do afterschool tutoring which is helpful since i have a bunch of homework now bUT THAT MEANS IM MORE BUSY!!! soo idk how much work ill be able to get done anytime i can get on my pc i might spend that one hour just playing stuff since im tired

yeah uuuh i kind of forgot to update these recently LOL... not much happened changed tho BUT i am doing white pumpkin from minecraft story mode for halloween

funger map got to backyard and basement, everythign in layer 1 is finsihed woo also i made a kncokback arena map for fun its rlly cool

but uuuhh idk abt map progress in the future cause my terrible math teacher who teaches me NOTHING gave me an F so idk how long ill be grounded yadyada

sleeping alot and then working on map alot, played zomboid with friends until lik 1am very fun but JESUS IM TIRED

sorcery is getting bland (which is fine cuz its in playtest) so im doing a joke build with boogie woogie and then ill finish layer 1 entrance idk

my prediction was slightly off because i finished the funger entrance on 10/7/, should have the courtyard done by the 12th since im gonna sleep early these next couple of days instead of working on the map

such a boring week....... did NOTHIGN!!!!!!!! barely any work or anything

started working on fear and hunger map i got the outside and girl room finished so layer 1 area 1 will be finished umm maybe october 10

sorcery on roblox is rlly fun tho so idk if ill work on it for long

from now on if a week is super uneventful ill just make 1 entry instead to save me time, SO TIRED from working on map but its fun so uggghh its whatever man i can fix my sleep schedule later

did good on my 3 mile run even tho it kinda sucked idk.....

finished the enitre map yaaay!!!!!!!!!!!

boring past couple days not really a whole lot to type here ugghhh this place is so boring nothing happens

had a track meet on saturday and did well for 3 mile run around 2 mins faster than last time so thats pretty awesome

finished the abyss layer on dunmeshi map, added boost pads to fast travel,mushrooms in 7, and a room with maps of layers up to 5

another supper boring day slept in class too much gotta sleep tonight

i feel so bad for giggling a little this one 9/11 video had the GAYEST old guys ever, one was stuck behind rubble so the other helps him out and THEY FALL ON EACHOTHER INTO RUBBLE THE DUDE KISSES HIM AND A PUNCTURE WOUND GOES THROUGH BOTH OF THEIR PALMS AT THE SAME TIME THEN THEY SHARE NAMES AND A PHOTO OF THEM SHOULDER TO SHOULDER COMES UP it was so stupid bro

i still cant get over that its like a damn tumblr webtoons yaoi plotline like what????????????????

kept falling asleep in class UGHHGHHHH

i have nothing to put here

played dbd some and built more, was fun but im TIRED

got to drive like a hour in drivers ed super easy im good at it woo

had to run 3 miles AGAIN bro :sob:, bf motivated me to work on map tho i just dont know how to make the skulls on the ground like how it should

after i finish the abyss, orc village (maybe) and expande layer 1 along with changing the breakable parts of layer 3 since its a bit weird

saturday has a track meet and had to wakeup at 5am, ran 3 miles, super tired but got to play terraria with friends supper fun!!!

sunday was just a bunch of chores nothing specific, bought singularity on dbd though hes SO FUN

havnt worked on the map like at all ugughhhh i need to get back to work on it ik what to do im just being a bum

yesterday was so bland and basic im just merging it with today, might do that more in the future if theres boring days.

started building that abyss with the skulls in dungeonmeshi under thistles house which is that part in the ending after he eats that tower, might expand layer 1 some more if i have time

meet tommorow.... gotta wake up at 5am just to go to a meet THAT STARTS AT 8 :sob:

gotta go back to school smh, practice was awful today yet again 4 mile run

got to work on lego parrot some!!! its really a knockoff but i dont care lego is like $50 for a small thing i hope they go bankrupt

didnt play or anything cuz ive been sleepy and uuuhhh yeah

even though i was sick the beach was super fun and i enjoyed going there even if that amusment park ride sucked and hurt my head

got to play terraria with friends!!!!!SO MUCH FUN we got to golem and he was super annoying but killed him, also beat ocram and this weekend we will be doing the frost/pumpkin moon and hopefully duke fishron

got a idea for the dungeon meshi map, below thistles home will be some little cave that has the winged lion changed up, not cannon at all but fun!!

OFC I GET SICK ON A WEEKAND AT THE BEACH AGGGHHH I HATE THIS PLACR

went to the beach so that was pretty cool, stole a shovel and gave it to a little kid when i was done

the bordwalk has somuch dumb stuff lolo also WOW its easy to steal from them why do they put stuff outside the shop???

slept in carride til like.... 12?? we were almost there at that point

felt sick so i just sat at the house then walked on boardwalk some

could not sleep at aLL tonight ugh so annoiying

SUCH A TIRING DAY DUDE.... had to run 6 miles then go to work after i hate practice

finished the trees in dungeon meshi atleast and the map is 100% compelete!!! i might add a few things here and there though

not much else happened bUT VACATION TOMMOROW

TOMMOROW GOING TO BEACH very awesome ill be there for 2-3 days wooghh

not much will happen so i might just split the journal into 1 entry probably

i gotta fix my sleep schedule man...

didnt do a whole lot today cause ive been tired as hell from school practice and then chores around the house until like 7

wasnt as hot today thank GOD but its stil a little hot, tommorow is cooler though so maybe i can start wearing sweaters because its autumn

got a bunch of clips in jjs with friend, 2 videos posted and 1 wip, plan on finishing last video tommorow and (hopefully) trees in dunmeshi map

practice until 5:15 in 102 degrees kms

seriously why is it 102 in LATE AUGUST IN THE MOUNTAINS?????? I LIVE IN WV DUDE

played more dbd with brother had fun, no motivation to build map, busy this weekend, just gonna fix my sleep schedule and hopefully add the trees to finish the dungeon meshi map

forgot to put that one art on the page so i did that and made 2 silly little doddles, dont take them seriously

was so busy today oh my GODD dude i was at school til 3:30, practice til 5:20, then chores until 7:40 sob

too tired to work on map, played dbd with brother very fun but im bad at survivor LMAO... some dude stole my ao oni build idea so i might just go straight to funger unless he quits / does bad

forgot i made some new art and didnt put it on my website OOPS LOL.... it should be there now

i didnt rlly do alot today i made some small little lego flower thingy it was fun!! other than that not alot i played pyramidhead on dbd tho hes so fun

ao oni mansion will be easy to build but not as fun to fight in honestly, funger1 will be my peak if i think about it some, idk which characters dungeon i should do (since each funger1 character has a different layout, but ill probably do cahara since thats the most common one ppl see)

track meet was shit my legs are tired but whatever i did fine

built the bushes around thistles house, might be a bit laggy so ill try other stuff if it isnt recieved well, should have trees around next week???

next build will be the ao oni mansion, then fear and hunger dungeon..... idk...

track meet today ugghhhh gotta run fuckin 1.5 miles i hate this sport so much

not much other than that, built thistles house on jjs, its a BIT off but not my fault ryokos house sizing sucks that shits a mansion on the inside

i actually kinda feel bad im running out of stuff to build it was so fun making this

school started and i got my pc so ill be doing these way more from now on

jujustu shenanigans dunmeshi map got to thistles house, all i need to do now is create THE FINAL LAYER and im done

new art was that lesbian kick thing... i did nothing else during summer tbh so idc

hi hello i havent really done much but i did get job at a park so thats cool other than that uuuhhhh nothin really to say.....

rpgmaker game is pretty much canceled cuz its VERY HARD to do and i would have like 0 fans or people who play it so idc, started working on a dungeon meshi map of jujustu shenanigans and currently almost done with layer 5!!

no new art, postponed this one drawing and its been sitting there for like 3 weeks now ughhhh i have no motivation for anything :sob:

because its summer now, i will not be working on this website all that much, journal will be inconsistant due to me being busy and really not all that much happening during the summer

rpgmaker is probably gonna be canceled VERY burnt out on doing like anything, just been rotting on stupid roblox games

ill periodically update this when i have time/i do actual cool stuff, new art posted tho so check it out :D

not really anything to say lmfao just did more exams i did good them and uuuhh idk

might work on rpgmaker game, realized ill have literally 0 fans cuz whos gonna play it? ill do something else im sure

such a boring day dude im exempt from all of my tests so i didnt do ANYTHING AT ALLL IN SCHOOL!!!!!

wasnt able to sleep at all bed was really uncomfortable so i ended up rolling in bed for like an hour SMH

didnt really do that much, played some games, slept, idk

went to work, did a bunch of weed eating, then was gonna play with friends but they all left early so i just messed around on roblox

didnt really play that much honestly was banned on roblox for 1 day for saying "oohhh my bellys all big and FAT" lmao

so bored this school has us doing literally nothin the past couple days aghhhhh

other than that ive been playing mint tycoon on roblox its fun + got to rando in lisa I HAD TO KILL PERCY AND FARDY FOR RUSSIAN ROULETTE AND BUZZO AGGHH I HATE RUSSIAN ROULETTE

behind in science final BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO MAKE A ENTIRE BOARDGAME and behind in buisness+finance cause she gives a buncha work but i can do that easily

every other class is nothing or you sit there on your phone, wish i could go to science to finish my work SMH!!!! also thistle is one of my favorite characters i love that ambigious loser

lisa the painful is fun as fuck though rn i killed the road scholars somewhat easily and my party rn is brad, nern, olan, and terry, i got every party member so far but they seem the best to keep rn, might swap out terry though hes underpreforming + i need a tank. sweet tea was a fun boss but MF ONESHOT MY WHOLE TEAM ALMOST!!! very glass cannon team setup sadly lolo

just kinda a boring day tbh, not much to say

trying to finish miitopia so i can restart it with dungeon meshi, teachers gave up teaching it seems like LOL

somereason off school for election day, played a bunch of games

got started in fallout 1 and im already fuckin lost istg, combat is fun though, pirated baldurs gate 3, its alright i guess

played more dying light and gmod with boyfriend VERY FUN!!!!!! also got far in lisa the painful good ass game

DID LITERALLY NOTHING ALL DAY AT SCHOOL!!!!!!! SO BORED!!!!!!!

got to play gmod and watch new smiling episode with boyfriend though :DDDD

woke up and wanted to shower but ended up having to work on car for like 5 hours straight ugughhhhhhh

not much else to say i was tired went home and took a nap then ate dinner and slept

went to work and didnt do like anything at all when i got home but friends got on late then left early when i had to do something :(

deleted

yeah nothing happened tbh, finished dragon meshi though VERY FIRE!!! im gonna watch the anime next

planning to play with friends tommroow tho :D

did nothing today

i know why youre here

did a social studies test, math work, science project, and english, thats it, VERY boring week cuz finals are soon

sadly im exempt so im gonna spend most of my time doing literally nothing idk why i go to school anymore

i remember i tried to convince my parents to let me do online school but they got all mad, i still dont get that you know?? sure ill be at home and wont talk to people blah blah but i already never talk to kids at school, nearly everyone is a redneck prick and i get my work done days before they do then just sleep or read in class, maybe junior year i can convince them, who knows

read some more dragon meshi, did some weedeating, showered and slept

school has basically nothing, worked on science project some its looking good

MEANT to sleep early but made a shitpost account that was just a character but green and somehow people thought it related to nazis???? :sob:

like literally nothing at all happened today it has been so boring

built the lego piplup and worked on some paint by color painting i got a while ago other than that nothing at all has happened

dragon meshi is peak as hell i might watch the anime but ill read up to where its at, gonna sleep early again for the week since im tired still

woke up late, thank god, walked around some outside then went on a trip to target, best buy, home depot, ihop, and then 2nd and charles

didnt buy actually all that much, new earbuds since my airpod broke and they SUCK!!!!! (ps, dont buy apple earbuds) and a mini lego piplup thing!!

started reading dungeon meshi really good suprised theres a anime with a lack of fan service slop, tonight im sleeping EARLY. I AM TIRED.

PLAYED LETHAL COMPANY WITH AWESOME FRIENDS AND ALSO ROBLOX THEN GMOD... VERY COOL!!!

sadly i didn't really get all that many clips cause i was having too much fun i forgot to clip stuff

not too much happened, went to work at 8, got off at 12, then played a ton of games at night with super awesome friends!!!

this journal is a bit late, i dont remeber what i did exactly, just a usual friday.

reallyy not much to say.... i got a project to make a board game for science??? idk... tommorow will be very fun thoughh!!!

didn't do all that much in school but i did turn in some late work so i guess thats pretty cool.

left at 2pm to go to a track meet, got home at 8:40pm!!!, very slow meet, took a while to get to my event and i did alright but not that great, gonna try a different event next year.

i dont need to do any more meets though thank god, gonna work on this site next few days if i feel good and then ill try to fix this for mobile.

added the buttons back during a class period i had no work in, planning on adding more if i get the chance!!

STILL cant get this page to wrok on mobile, very annoying, other than that not a lot happened today, slept during a class and was accidentally late to one.

track meet today luckily my dad isnt coming but im sure im not gonna do very well, wasnt able to practice my form all that much recently, might still get like 4'9 or something though.

Accidently reverted a old save which deleted a LOT of stuff I had before, rest in piece custom cursor and buttons....

Atleast I fixed the layout for mobile, idk why this link doesnt work that well with mobile though, i got the device-width thing and everything! If you know how to fix / hide puck on smaller screens, please message me.

Other than that not much happened today, got a lot of my homework done which im proud of but I got a track meet thursday I am NOT prepared for, been sick like 2 months beforehand and wasnt able to practice, i'll get some sleep tommorow for it I promise.

Also FUCK ENCUMBERED ON BETHESDA GAMES, IM NOT WALKING ACROSS THE MAP WITH MY POWER ARMOR BECAUSE YOUR LAZY ASS DOESNT WANNA PUT CRAFTING TABLES ANYWHERE NEAR CAMBRIDGE!!!! I didn't work on the site AS much today, took a break for a while, I have a lot of projects i've been working on at once which is probaably not very healthy... gonna try one at a time, i'll update whoever reads this.

Worked on this page a lot throughout the day, got a bunch of math, english, and buisness computer done, got a 88/100 on a test! :D

Went to track practice and did farily well, just got sick near the end and had to leave a little early, meet coming up thursday.

Got lethal company modpack fully fixed so now it should be showing up on my site as a download, couldnt get minecraft to work, ill try that tommorow, im gonna play helldivers with my brother sometime soon and then lethal company with friends on the weekend.

Did a SHITTON of work, usual for sundays sadly.

Basically weedeated everything, bank, ditch, road, other ditch, trees, etc, still miseed some stuff, ill get back to it later, then dropped some junk at salvation army since it was cluttering space, after that went to grandmothers to eat dinner and created everything on mainpage.

Was kind of hoping to play some games since the only day i did was saturday, still fine, just tired, stayed up too late working on this damn site!!, also my brother gifted me fallout 1+2, love him alot! will update when i play it later, 4 is really fun right now.